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05 October 2007 @ 10:00 am
A Qwik-Fic: Let Them Eat Cake  

A gift for RubyV -prompt "baking". Much thanks, loves and cookies for her help -the Teaspoon link is provided here.

Doctor: Ninth

Characters: Jack Harkness, Rose Tyler

Genre: Crack, one-shot

Rating: PG for mild insults

Warnings: May cause damage to keyboard, esp. if consuming tea or coffee while reading. May affect rate of cake ingestion.

Rose awoke to the sound of the Doctor swearing, Jack shouting, and a smoke detector going off in her ear like a very insistent alarm clock.

“You Rassilon-faced excuse for a Dalek hugger!”

That was the Doctor, his voice pitched to wake the dead (and Rose).

“What? You’re the one who wanted to make a double batch! I said –”

Rose got out of bed and started pulling on her clothes. If she left those two to fight it out, she’d never get any sleep –they could duel it out for hours.

“Should have left you back on the blighted dumpster of a space-hopper –”

“Should have stayed there –it would have been safer than coming with you!”

Rose groped around under the bed for her missing sock.

“Did it even occur to you, you stupid little ape –”

“Oh, so the stupid ape didn’t think of it, but the great all-wonderful Time Lord did? I swear –”

As Rose pulled her second shoe on and opened the door, the whole TARDIS shook to the sound of something large and wooden shattering itself on a wall somewhere. Rose started to walk faster. If they’d already begun throwing furniture . . .

“Time Agent, my loomstrings!”

“Time Lord, my arse!”

“Pox-brained, Omega-mad omnisexual idiot!”

“Pompous, egotistical dictator with delusions of godhood!”

The voices sounded like they were coming from the kitchen. Rose counted along the doors (laboratory, holodeck, Jack’s room, spacedock) until she got to the white, inoffensive panelled kitchen door.

And she opened it.

Inside was the Doctor, Jack, and what looked like some sort of unfinished baking project. All fine –no lies in that analysis.

What it didn’t tell you, on the other hand, was the details. Like the fact that the Doctor was sitting on top of the fridge, Jack was trying to squeeze inside one of the larger hung cupboards –and that the unfinished baking project was about the size of a family car, and busily consuming the table.

“You’re the one who wanted to experiment!” Jack was yelling. “I wanted to buy Rose a birthday cake. But no. The great Doctor knew better! ‘Oh, come on, Jack, live a little! So what if we’re out of yeast –use some of that white powdery stuff. What’s the worst that could happen?’ ”

“I didn’t know you were going to let it burn!” the Doctor snapped back, hastily swinging one leg clear of the slobbering mouth –erm, hole –with which the dough monster was dissolving the wooden counters. “Deltonian yeast is extremely sensitive! If you burn it –”

Jack yelped as half his great-coat went the way of the table, the counters, and most of the electrical appliances. “I think I can see what happens, thank you, Doctor! What do we do?”

“Umm . . .” the Doctor tried to look like a Lord of Time, rather than a Northern bloke in a leather jacket being cornered by a runaway birthday cake. “Eat it?”

Very quietly, Rose shut the door, and went back to bed.

My World is Feeling: accomplishedaccomplished
a silent tsunami of stealthsundayschild on October 5th, 2007 02:31 am (UTC)
*stares* *bursts out laughing* Wow Em, that's...wow. *giggles* Oh, I liked that. *grins* When you gonna post it on Teaspoon?
emerkohlvdor: Land of my Fathersemerkohlvdor on October 5th, 2007 05:16 pm (UTC)
Well, it's not really all mine, since it was a pressie. It's at least half Ruby's, so I'd have to get her permission to post on Whofic. But I'm glad you like it!

EDIT: I have been given permission, and it can be found here. Remember, comments are cookies, reviews are love!